Parental alienating behaviours is a collective term for a number of different, consistently negative behaviours, views and attitudes expressed by one parent, carer or guardian. Some examples include:

• Using negative narratives about the other parent in front of the child
• Undermining the alienated parent by making them seem incompetent, useless or unreliable
• Sharing of false or unnecessary information with your child about the other parent
• Gaslighting by making it seem as though the alienated parent is responsible for the issues

These behaviours could be seen as an attempt to damage or weaken the relationship between the child and the opposing parent. Parental alienating behaviours can be highly stressful and anxious for everyone involved, especially the children.

Parental alienating behaviours can have a huge impact on children’s emotional and mental health and can result in behavioural and emotional health issues.

The emotional impact: A childmay feel anxiety as they hear the negative narrative about the alienated parent and feel as though they need to share those feelings to appease the other parent. This is very stressful for a child and can cause long term issues with their self-esteem and mental health. This could lead to depression as they are possibly navigating feelings of guilt, fear and potentially post-traumatic stress disorder. They may have trouble forming relationships later on if they have a lack of trust or attachment.

Behavioural impact: The emotional turmoil can havea huge impact on their behaviour as they may react in an angry or aggressive way towards others. They may feel the need to withdraw or isolate from others too. It can impact their school life as it may cause issues with their ability to learn. The child may end up struggling to express their emotions or true feelings.

It is important to note that the impact can vary depending on the child, theircircumstances and the severity of the alienation. However, it is important to understand what the long-term consequences can be when they are exposed to parental alienation.

For more informationabout the impact on children and research into this, please visit theCafcass website.

• It is important toconfide in someone you trust about your thoughts and feelings. Consider talking to a GP if you feel you need some support with your mental health during this time.
• Keepany evidence and note down incidents with dates, time and context that concern you.
• Seek legal adviceto help you make formal child contact arrangements. You may be advised to attend family mediation as it may help to work out issues in a controlled setting.
• Find an online support group where you can share and hear other’s experiences and advice on what has helped.
• When you do see your children, ensure that communication is positive, calm and a safe space. Avoid discussing the alienation in front of the childas this will help build a stronger connection with them.
• As hard as it may be, look after yourself so you have theresilience and strength to face this issue in a calm way. Self-care helps to recharge your batteries.

Sometimes parentshave no choice but to stop contact between a child and their other parent due to safeguarding concernsordomesticabuse, but it is important to seek legal advice if there is a court order in place. If you are in, or have left, an abusive relationship and you feel it is unsafe foryourchildren to have contact with the offending parent, it is important to consider reporting your concerns to the police. Seeking support from organisations such as The National Domestic Abuse Helpline, Women’s Aid or Refuge is really important for long term help and guidance.