Neurodivergent children often rely on routines to feel safe and secure as it helps them to know what comes next and provides predictability. When their routine or schedule is disrupted, it can have a huge impact.

• Cause a spike in their anxiety levels because they struggle to predict what will happen
• They may seek a sensory input as they are feeling so overwhelmed
• Their executive functioning can become more difficult as their planning, decision-making, and problem-solving thoughts and feelings may temporarily shut down
• Their emotions can feel unmanageable, leading to distressed behaviours, shutdown or refusal to engage

Recognising that these reactions come from anxiety and not defiance can help parents and carers respond calmly and with compassion.

Having predictable routines are not just about keeping track of the day-to-day tasks but creates a sense of security for autistic, AHDH or neurodivergent children, teens or young adults. When they knowwhat to expect, their world can feel safer, predictable and more manageable. A regular routine:

• Helps reduce anxiety by providing predictability and stability
• Supports independence because when children know the steps in their routine, they can start doing more for themselves
• Builds essential life skills such as organisation and planning

Sometimes change can be unavoidable when there are unexpected moments, such as school closure, an urgent appointment or someone coming to your house. Where you can, let your child know about any changes ahead of time. Routines can act as an emotional anchor. During periods of unexpected change, keep as many familiar tasks as possible such as mealtimes, downtime, bedtime and morning routines.

Reassure them: Communicate with your neurodivergent child using a calm tone and open questions and body language. You can say ‘I know that it is upsetting that things have changed, but let’s work out what we can do instead.’ By providing a calm approach, this can help your child process and regulate their feelings.

Acknowledge their feelings: Letting your child know that it is ok to feel upset or anxious can help them feel understood. You can validate their feelings by reflecting on their emotions by saying ‘I understand that you are upset, and you were really looking forward to this today.’

Making some adjustments: If you have a visual schedule, you can adjust this by removing what has changed and giving them a choice to do something else instead to give them some control and stability. You can say ‘Although school is now closed, would you like to go swimming or to the park instead?’ Even limited options give your child a sense of control and reduce overwhelm.

Using visual aids: If your child uses a visual schedule, show the change physically by swapping school time for home time or crossing out the activity and replacing it with a new one. Seeing the change visually can help them process this change.

Create a calm corner: If you have space, create a little calm corner in your home. It can be a safe space for them to regulate, decompress and feel safe when they’re overwhelmed, overstimulated, or experiencing big emotions.

Create a change plan card: It may help to create a special card for unexpected changes. The card can say, take three deep breaths, what are the options, add in a calming activity and update the visual schedule. Having a pre-agreed plan can help reduce the anxiety.

Build-in some little changes: If you can, introduce small and safe changes during calmer times. This could be something like trying a new snack, taking a different route home, etc. Each experience helps your child build confidence with transitions.

Give praise: Recognise and praise your child when they manage changes no matter how big or small. By saying ‘I am really proud of how you coped with that change.’ This can help your child build confidence and resilience for any other unexpected changes.

As your neurodivergent child grows, they will go through many changes, such as moving to a new school, finishing education, changing home, making new friends, or experiencing body changes during puberty. These transitions can feel overwhelming and may affect your child’s sense of security, routines, and anxiety levels.

Prepare early: To support your child, it helps to prepare early and make a clear, predictable plan. Talk about what will happen and when, using simple language and visuals aids. Break the change into small, manageable steps, for example, visiting a new school or teacher prior to starting, visiting the new home before you move in, use of pictures to help process the change, etc.

Give choices: Where you can, give your child some choices so they can make decisions over things they are able to control. This could be from choosing bags, pens, furniture, or decorations.

Keep to predictable routines: Try to keep familiar routines going wherever possible. Regular meal, bedtime, and morning routines give your child a sense of security and stability when everything else feels so different.

Use visual aids: Tools like social stories, visual timetables, and choice cards can be incredibly helpful for neurodivergent children to understand and manage changes and transitions. Breaking down transitions into small, manageable steps makes the process feel less overwhelming. For instance, if your child is transitioning to secondary school, you might create one social story about the journey to school and another detailing their new daily routine, covering lessons, teachers, and break times. Be sure to include calming activities within their timetable and social stories to give them space to regulate and feel safe throughout the day.

Time and space: Give your child some time and space to process the new changes. Some children may want to talk about what’s happening whereas others may need quiet time, sensory breaks, or movement to help regulate. Let them know their feelings are valid and that it’s okay to feel anxious, confused or upset.

With patience and understanding, you can help your child manage transitions in a calmer and more confident way. Over time, these experiences help them build essential coping skills in small steps.

Transitionsdon’t only happen during big life events such as moving schools or homes, they can also happen many times a day or during celebatory or festive periods such as Christmas or birthdays. This could be small changes from screen time to mealtime to bedtime, or relatives coming over for celebrations, etc. This can be overwhelming for children, teens or young adultswho need more time to process this and adjustments made to meet their needs.

Letting them know as early as possible is the key. Describe the steps in a positive manner so they feel less overwhelmed, so for example, you could say‘After we have dinner, we can read your favourite book" or "The family are coming over for birthday cake, would you like to join in, or would you prefer to be in your calm space instead."

Allow them to have an object like their sensory toy or favourite item to help them transition between activities. Acknowledge and praise them by saying for example‘I know that stopping the screentime was hard, but you did this really well so thank you.’

Focus on key parts such as morning or bedtimes and create separate visual aids for each.

Involve your child in the planning of this by asking what makes them feel calm or happy and incorporate this into the plan.

Break the tasks into small, manageable steps as multi-step instructions can be confusing.

Support their sensory needs by including movement breaks in the routine, especially in the evening when your child might be overstimulated. Agree a no screen time before bed.

Create a calm, predictable start in the morning with soft lighting, gentle music, or a comforting item to ease the transition from sleep to wakefulness.

Allow extra time by building this in around tasks such as washing, eating, etc. so your child doesn’t feel rushed or overwhelmed.

Evenings are a great time to build a predictable routine, such as snack time, followed by quiet play or a calming activity, then bath and bed. Ensuring that an hour before sleep is calm and under stimulating can help them feel sleepy.

Read this advice article on preference for order, predictability or routinefrom the National Autistic Society.

You may find it helpful to read this article on practical tips for helping at home from ADHD and You.

This article was reviewed by Jeremy Todd, Chief Executive